Remembrance
by Candle in the Night
Summary: My 1st Mass Effect fic! Set during the events of the first game, it explores the emotional damage done to the Commander from his past. Also with some Shepard/Liara. Because there just isn't enough of that ;


Hi there. Originally I only joined fan fiction to write and review on Star Wars KoToR, however since playing Mass Effect a month ago I've gradually come to believe it is the greatest game on the Xbox, or at the very least in the top 3. Unfortunately the community here seems quite small and chances of reviews are small but still, I'll give it a go. This may only be a one shot, but if it is received well and I enjoyed writing it then well.....anything can happen.

I wrote about this particular subject because it probably touched me the most.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sadly.

Remembrance

"...Reporter Khalisah Al-Jilani recently attempted to land an interview with the first human spectre, Commander Shepard."

Shepard looked around, startled that his name had been mentioned. It took a few seconds to remember where he was; in the elevator heading down from the Normandy's docking bay on his way to meet the ambassador after another successful mission.

"The Commander answered difficult questions, demonstrating underneath that armour lays a keen, diplomatic mind. We'll have the full interview later today." The voiceover concluded.

_Ah yes_, Shepard thought, Miss Al-Jilani had been a difficult audience, and it was clear she was only asking the questions that most people had the decency to keep in their head.

"I told you it went well Commander." Kaiden said with a smile.

Shepard liked Kaiden, he was a good soldier, solid, dependable, and his biotics sure were a great help in a fight. More importantly though he shared Shepard's own beliefs, that aliens were not all jerks or to be mistrusted just because they weren't human. While Shepard also enjoyed the company of Ash, the other alliance marine in his squad, he just couldn't agree with her opinions.

Shepard turned a little to face him "Yeah I know, but I'm a soldier not a politician, I shouldn't be answering these type of questions. The yes Sir no Sir type questions always suited me more."

"Maybe so" Kaiden continued "but you're the first human spectre, you can't escape the fact that there will be some public attention on you."

"That's right Shepard, your actions reflect greatly on humanity, it would be naive to hope no one will ever question your decisions." Liara said, speaking up for the first time.

_Liara..._Shepard couldn't suppress a smile thinking about the Asari. He had rescued her at Therum, her lack of social skill combined with her powerful biotics were a strange mix, but Shepard couldn't resist feeling a little attracted to the beautiful scientist. She was perhaps one of the funniest people Shepard knew; but of course she didn't know that, she spent most the time apologising for something silly she had said.

_She said I would be an interesting specimen for an in-depth study._

The elevator finally came to a stop and the squad stepped out into the C-Sec academy. Officers bustled past but Shepard still managed to spy the same Turian pacing up and down for no apparent reason.

_He must be doing something..._

Shepard's thought were interrupted as his com sounded from an unknown caller, curious he pressed the accept button and waited for a response.

"Commander Shepard, this is Lieutenant Girard." The voice paused, he sounded French "I'm sorry to bother you but I called to see if you will help me with a problem"

Shepard put his hand to his ear "What do you need Lieutenant?"

"There's a girl here, she was recently rescued from Batarians slavers. She's from Mindoir." Shepard's blood suddenly turned cold. "I guess she was taken in the raid on your town."

Shepard ran a hand along his shaven head "The raid that killed my parents" he said in a monotone voice.

"Y-yes, I'm sorry Commander." Girard sounded genuinely regretful "She got free somehow, and grabbed a gun from one of my guys. Now's she's holed up in the docking bay" The Lieutenant paused "She, uh- she says she wants to die. I hoped you'd talk to her. It's a long shot but you both when through the same thing, the raid. I was thinking maybe you could talk her out of killing herself."

Shepard stood frozen, unsure what to do. Hundreds of memories flooded through his mind; his family, friends, his home.

All in flames. He felt the same sense of despair, pain and suffering all over again.

"Commander?" Girard's voice filtered though cautiously.

Shepard snapped out of the recollection and looked back up at the docking bay "I'm on my way Lieutenant, sit tight."

"Thank you Commander. Anything you do would be great. I don't want-ah-she's been through enough. I'll have my men stand by for you."

With that the communications channel closed. Shepard swung around and headed back into the elevator, ignoring the concerned looks from Liara and Kaiden.

The elevator door sealed.

It was a silent trip. None of them spoke and even the voiceover update that usually sounded stayed silent.

Shepard, lost in his thoughts stared blankly at the floor until the elevator came to a stop and the door slid open.

Three men dressed in Alliance police uniform milled around the entrance to the Normandy.

One of them stepped forward and saluted crisply.

"Commander, it's good to see you."

"Likewise Lieutenant, I wish it was under better circumstances. Where is she?" Shepard said grimly.

Girard pointed to his left near the end of the walkway where a cluster of boxes were stacked "Behind those shipping containers. I've got a sniper positioned just in case but I don't think we'll need it." Girard sighed "I think she's only a danger to herself."

"You got anything to cool her down?" Shepard asked, he really didn't want to trying to catch this girl.

"Yes we've got a sedative that should do the job. Problem is we can't get close to give it to her every time we do..."

"She threatens to kill herself" Shepard interrupted.

"Exactly. When do get close she gets more and more wound up. Be careful; if she seems likely to pull the trigger, back off. I'm willing to wait her out."

Shepard sighed, the girl had probably been through hell already. "Alright give me the sedative, hopefully I won't need to use it. Tell your men to stand by."

Girard nodded and saluted again "Good luck Commander."

Liara placed a hand on his shoulder "Commander, are you going to be okay?

Shepard laughed "You can't turn my own words against me Liara." Seeing the Asari's confused face Shepard sighed again "Yes I'll be fine" He gestured to the boxes "It's her I'm worried about."

"Is there anything we can do?" Liara asked, concern flooding her voice.

"Just stay here with Kaiden. This is something I need to sort out myself."

Turning on his heels he walked slowly over to the stacked crates. Rounding the final container, he spotted the girl.

_God she's barely mid-teens._

Shaven headed and tear drenched eyes; the girl couldn't have been more than 16. Dressed in a small cloth that barely fitted her tiny frame, she waved the pistol at Shepard.

"S-stop! Don't come any closer!" The girl wailed frantically.

"My name is Shepard, I was sent to help you. What's your name?"

The girl started shivering and she shook her head "Animals don't get names, the Masters put symbols on her. Hot metal all over her back. She screams when they do this."

Shepard's eyes widened. How could they do this to a little girl?

_Bastards..._

Liara swayed and turned to Kaiden "Do you think he will be ok?"

"Commander Shepard is one of the toughest solider I know" Kaiden shook his head mournfully "He has to be after what happened on Mindoir and Akuze."

"Why what happened on Akuze?" asked Liara.

Kaiden glanced at Liara before turning back to the containers "If you want to know, ask the Commander himself."

"I can't just wander up and say what was Akuze about can I?" Liara massaged her temple and sighed "I've already made a fool of myself in front of him."

Kaiden considered and then nodded "You make a fair case. Alright, Shepard's Unit were sent to the recently colonised world of Akuze. The Alliance had lost contact with the pioneer team and Shepard and his team were sent to investigate." Kaiden shook his head "They had no idea what they were walking into. When they set up camp, several Thresher Maws hit the site. It was a massacre, everyone in the unit except Shepard died. To be honest, I'm amazed he's still able to hold a gun."

Liara stood shocked. Her eyes glanced back to where Shepard was standing.

_By the Goddess, how is his mind not broken after so much tragedy?_

When they melded Liara sensed something buried deep in Shepard's mind but respected his privacy too much to uncover it. Not to mention extracting a buried memory from someone with a will as strong as Shepard's would take an enormous amount of concentration and stamina.

Liara glanced up to see Shepard walking back over to Lieutenant Girard.

"I'm giving her a moment to calm down" he said slowly.

"Okay, it's good to see you are not rushing this" Girard said, sounding genuinely relieved "go talk to her in a minute again once she has cooled down."

Shepard nodded and a second later walked back over to the containers. Liara watched him go with a compassionate expression.

"I'm sorry Shepard..." she whispered.

Shepard rounded the container and stood close to the girl. He had eventually found out that her name was Talitha, a girl of 16 taken in the raid by Batarian slavers at the age of 6, and held captive ever since. Despite her memories of the "masters" countless acts of cruelty, she had developed Stockholm syndrome and only identified herself in the third person.

Shepard approached her cautiously "Talitha," he said "I was on Mindoir. My parents died in the raid."

Talitha hugged herself for support "Lying! You get hit for lying! You get the buzz or the burning...can't be there." Suddenly she pointed the gun at Shepard and shouted "Why are you alive? **WHY ARE YOU? WHY ARN'T YOU LIKE HER?" **Talitha started to cry **"**Broken, only fit to dig and carry!"

Shepard felt his eyes starting to sting.

"For a while I was broken. I lost my whole family Talitha, my friends, my childhood, home. I had to pull myself and keep going, for their sakes as much as mine!" Shepard said sadly.

Talitha lowered the gun and looked at him strangely.

"You lose your Mommy and Daddy but you don't dig. You don't carry. You stand up. She wishes she could stand up."

Shepard edged forward slowly and cupped Talitha's cheek, wiping away a tear as he spoke.

"You can be Talitha" Shepard passed the sedative to her "Take this and it will make you sleep. If you fall asleep they will take you to a place where you'll get better."

Talitha glanced around before taking the sedative from Shepard's hand and swallowed it.

"Will she have bad dreams?"

She began swaying and collapsed into Shepard's arms "No, you'll dream of a warm place and when you wake up, you'll be in it. Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you"

Talitha smiled against Shepard's chest and whispered "She'd like that. It hurts when she..." Talitha looked up into Shepard's face "when I remember...me. But she wants to remember..."

Shepard felt the girl go limp in his arms and he slowly lowered her to the floor. She was breathing slowly and looked almost peaceful.

Smiling slightly, Shepard walked out from behind the containers and headed for Girard.

"Is it over Commander?"

Shepard nodded "She took the sedative herself. She wants to get better Lieutenant."

Girard blew out a breath and smiled gratefully at Shepard "Thank you Commander, that means a lot, I didn't want to hurt her."

Girard's smile faded "It's just when I see her curled up in a ball and shivering..." He paused again and his face scrunched into anger "She was only 6 when they took her! Why the hell are out there if we can't keep one little girl safe!"

"To make the bastards who did this to her pay." Shepard said fiercely.

"Sorry Commander I need to take care of this now" Girard saluted again "Thanks again for everything."

Shepard turned to face Liara and Kaiden.

"Alright" he said stiffly "You two go back to the ship, I'll finish this alone."

"Aye aye sir."

Kaiden saluted crisply and turned to march back to _The Normandy_. Liara lingered, unsure what to do. If Shepard had been Asari Liara would have been able to comfort him better. As he was though, Liara didn't know what to do. Was she supposed to defy his orders and follow him or leave him like Kaiden had done? Humans were so confusing, so unknown to Liara.

Acting on impulse Liara called out to the retreating human "Shepard wait!"

The commander turned and was Liara was shocked to see droplets of water running from his eyes down his face.

_This must be what humans call crying..._

Quickly wiping his reddened eyes Shepard chocked back more tears "Y-yes Liara? Something you need?"

Recovering from her shock, Liara advanced on Shepard "If it's ok with you Commander I would like to accompany you?"

"Why?" Shepard asked curiously.

Liara's eyes widened, she didn't know what to say. She went to bumble an explanation but Shepard cut her off.

"Yes of course you can come Liara. You can always come with me."

_What does he mean by that? _Liara wondered, her heart skipping a beat.

Not trusting herself to say anything, Liara stepped into the lift next to Shepard and waited for the doors to close. As the lift descended Liara struggled to think of anything comforting to say. People skills were never a strong point for her.

She needn't bother, Shepard filled the void for her.

"I thought I had this stuff squared a long time ago." He began conversationally "But here I am, crying like a little girl. My old Sergeant would tear a strip off me if he saw me now." Shepard laughed bitterly.

Liara glanced at Shepard out the corner of her eye. He was staring intensely at the floor, a look of repressed sadness etched onto his face.

"Want to talk about it?" Liara offered softly.

Shepard stopped his inspection of the floor and looked up to smile at the Asari.

"No need. I think I can finally put Mindoir behind me now." Shepard shook his head slowly "The raid happened when I was 16, more than old enough to do something about it."

Liara went to say something but Shepard cut her off.

"Please, I'm not looking for sympathy. I was out working in the fields when the attack happened. I hid while the slavers burned everything. I could have fought, I could have done something but I didn't!" Shepard sighed "At least now I can actually feel like I've made a difference about Mindoir-done something to help. This was a second chance for me."

Shepard smiled "Hopefully now Talitha can have a normal life."

The two lapsed into silence as the lift continued to descend.

"You never answered my question anyway." Shepard said suddenly.

"About wanting to come with you?" Liara qualified.

Seeing Shepard's nod Liara continued "Well when you see an interesting specimen you feel compelled to follow it."

Shepard laughed, drawing a warm smile from Liara.

"Rescuing you was the best thing I've done in this mission."

"Thank you Shepard." Liara said softly.

Shepard turned to Liara and made eye contact, the two starring into each other's eyes.

Liara hadn't realised the two were getting closer and closer to each other's face. Closing her eyes slightly, Liara leant forward closer to Shepard.

Suddenly the lift stopped and the door opened, a bright flash penetrating Liara's closed eyes.

She snapped her eyes in open in surprise to see a Khalisah Al-Jilani with a large camera, her mouth wide open.

"The famous Commander Shepard kissing an Asari! Humanity's protector is being influenced by an alien? Oh my editor is going to love this!"

Before Shepard could recover from his shock Al-Jilani sped off round the corner. Scowling he made to chase after her while his hand moved towards his sidearm.

Liara grabbed him by the arm.

"Don't worry about her Shepard."

Bawling his fists he swung around to face the Asari "But she going's to make you look like some kind of master manipulator 'ensnaring humanity's saviour!' She will slander both of us! Not to mention she ruined a romantic moment...."

Liar blushed a darker shade of blue "Shooting her won't help Commander" She admonished.

Shepard sighed "You're probably right. But we'll have to finish this some time...."

Liara blushed even deeper but Shepard merely laughed and began striding towards the fast travel.

The young scientist walked quickly to catch up with him, a warm feeling and a shiver creeping up her spine.

_Yes we will_.


End file.
